Things Change in a Moment

One Sunday I went to church, my husband was out of town. I finished a book I have been neglecting.  I went through emails and notes with a fine tooth comb to make sure my ducks were in a row for the week ahead.  My youngest son came over and we chatted about a few things.  When he left we did our usual hug, ‘I love you’ and high five.  I did not expect to see him again until Monday night when he came for supper. 10:30 pm rolls around and I had just set the alarm when Jacob knocked on the door.  He came in eyes red, face white, hair messed up and shaking.  He said when he left our house he went to his apartment and found his 20 year old roommate, Michael, in a weird position on his bed. Long story short.  Michael was dead.  He was still warm to the touch and so Jacob did CPR on the phone with 911 until the paramedics arrived.  Only one simple hour earlier we were laughing and hugging while Michael was taking drugs to make his pain go away.  Physical and mental pain.  Michael had back cancer at 17, got hooked on pain pills, and was in rehab at 19 and part of age 20.  (or there about)  At that moment with my 6 foot + son standing in my kitchen crying in my arms all I could think about was how our earlier hug was different.  A happy, I love you hug with the “I’ll see you tomorrow” insinuation.  Now I was getting the hug that said, “how is this happening, why is Michael gone, I will never see him again, what could I have done differently”? 

 Two different hugs.  One single day. 

 In the blink of an eye his world was changed.

Michael was at our house with Jacob not long ago.  It was on a Saturday. I had gone to the store on my way home from a trip to stop and get them steaks.  I had not seen him in a long time.  We spoke of deep things and God usually gives me a sign or a nudge when something is wrong.  But with Michael I got nothing.  Maybe it was because he is no longer a little boy playing baseball with my son, but instead he was a grown man and that seemed foreign. I wish I had mentioned Jesus, I wish I had made them pray before they began to eat, but football was on the big screen.  I don’t know if Michael knew Jesus as an adult; I just knew the kid had experienced some grown up things in a little over 2 years. (Here I was telling Jacob not to feel guilty when I was doing the same thing)

Bottom line is this:  we cannot help those who do not want help and we cannot pray for those who do not communicate their struggles with us.  But what we can do is LOVE ALL THE TIME.  Jacob loved Michael and he was kind to him.  Always. It makes me very proud of the young man my son turned out to be.  But we cannot fix other people.  One minute they are with us, and the next they are gone.  Forever.  This is going to be a long battle for Jacob.  I won’t go into details, but Michael had to have CPR and it was messy for Jacob to watch.  It will not soon leave his memory, if ever. 

We will be here for him.  We have many friends praying for him.  I had one of our pastors and friends over at midnight doing just that!  People have prayed on the phone with Jacob & at the house in our living room with him.  We are blessed and thankful!

Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.  God knows Jacob’s future, the people he will meet, the children he will have.  Someday, when this loss is lightened, Jacob will have the opportunity to tell someone in need of his words about that night. About the pain & suffering Michael experienced, the tragedy of finding a friend dead, and maybe the peace he found at home with us and Godly friends who surrounded us with prayer and love. God will take this horrific situation & turn it into something positive for His child.  

Jacob is alone in his mind.  It will be sad, lonely and pierced with guilt at times.  The devil is after my baby and he will not prevail! 1 Peter 5:7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.  That is what I wish Michael had done and it is what I pray for Jacob right now.  I know this is more of a rant than a Bible study.  However, I want you to evaluate your lives.  Do you get mad over the smallest thing?  Do you worry about things out of your control?  Do petty things change your focus?  Let it go!  Give it to the Savior and let Him nail that stuff on the cross!  Ask for help.  Ask for prayer.  Ask God to 180 those things because that my friend is satan.  John 10:10 the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.  That thief came last year and my son walked in on him.  But I am praying for life abundantly for Jacob, for Michael’s family.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It has been almost 5 months since I wrote that above.  God is so good!  Reading that, I could feel my heart beating faster, my eyes welling up with tears and my chest rising and falling with the sadness that time brought to our home.  Does it still hurt?  You bet it does!  Jacob still thinks about Michael, but not with the overwhelming sadness as before.  It has been a difficult road paved with medications, prayers, sleepless nights, tears, anger, and feelings of giving up. But such is life, sadly.  We fall down every day, but every day God is there to brush us off and stand us back on two feet if we only ask.  Isaiah 41:10 says Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.   

I believe that as much as I believe the sun will set & rise again the next day.  

Thank you Jesus that I had this day with Michael...