Seven Little Letters

Have you ever had anyone angry at you give you the ultimatum "well, then ___".

Have you ever had anyone question how you were to achieve a result with "how then ___".

Have you had a professor give a lecture and proceed to tell you what he/she expects with "now then ___".

Do you recall a time when your parent listened of your plans for the future and questioned them by saying "well, if not___ then___" .  (As if giving you options in case you were unsuccessful!)

Have you told your husband of plans for redecorating & he had a different idea with the words "but then___"

Have you ever told your children "when you pick up your toys only then can you_____!"

Phrases like "why then" and "until then" have such negative connotations in my mind.

There are circumstances with God's people in the Bible where he showed grace and the very next words will sometimes be, "even then ______", they did not follow.

However, there are two, tiny, 7 little letters, that can change the world! 

"AND THEN"

Those two words are a transition from one thing, usually mediocre, to something wonderful and life changing. 

I went through then entire Bible seeking out these transitions.  There are almost 3000 "thens" in the Word of God, but the "and thens" are few.  In the Old Testament I discovered most "and thens" are about the life of a person:  as in Genesis 5:5 "Altogether, Adam lived a total of 930 years, and then he died."

Or they represent the order in which the priests completed tasks in the temple:  Leviticus 14:7 "Seven times he shall sprinkle the one to be cleansed of the defiling disease, and then pronounce them clean."

Sometimes those little words announce what God is doing to sustain his children:  as in Deuteronomy 8:3 "He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord."

Occasionally, these little words in the Bible teach us to wait:  I Samuel 3:15 "Samuel lay down until morning and then opened the doors of the house of the Lord."

Sometimes they are a transition into what God is promising us:  I Kings 20:13 "This is what the Lord says: ‘Do you see this vast army? I will give it into your hand today, and then you will know that I am the Lord.’”

We receive order from those words:  2 Samuel 19:39  "So all the people crossed the Jordan, and then the king crossed over." 

OR

Ezekiel 13:23b  "I will save my people from your hands.  And then you will know that I am the Lord."

However, my favorite "and thens" came in the New Testament. 
Naturally, they mostly point to Jesus!

Matthew 16:27  "For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done!

Matthew 27:29 "and then  they twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on his head. They put a staff in his right hand. Then they knelt in front of him and mocked him. “Hail, king of the Jews!” they said.  (as sad as this transition is, it is filled with Jesus' love for us)

Mark 2:4 "Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on.

Luke 6:10 "He looked around at them all, and then said to the man, 'Stretch out your hand.' He did so, and then his hand was completely restored."

John 16:17 "At this, some of his disciples said to one another, “What does he mean by saying, ‘In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me,’ and ‘Because I am going to the Father’?”

Hebrews 7:27 "Unlike the other high priests, he does not need to offer sacrifices day after day, first for his own sins, and then for the sins of the people. He sacrificed for their sins once for all when he offered himself."

The words "and then" alone mean nothing.  They are incomplete, but try and take something small and transition it without them.  "Jesus told the man to hold out his hands. His hand was completely restored." 

"Jesus told the man to hold out his hand, and then, his hand was completely restored!"  See, these words lead to  courage, love, faithfulness, power, humility and hope.  They make a ghost story around a camp fire better, the make history come alive, and show how ashes can turn to beauty. 

So, in writing this I have come to ask myself those words more often.  "I am going to the grocery store 'and then' I think I will buy lunch for the homeless man outside."  "I am going to look at Arise Africa's website 'and then' I am going to sponsor a child."  "I am going to work hard today 'and then' tomorrow spend time with God more intimately."  What will your transitions be today? What will you change from mediocre to fantastic?  What dream will you make a reality? Remember you can do all things in Christ who gives you strength!  So your "and thens" have no limits, they will bring order to your life, teach you to wait, allow God to sustain you, strengthen your faith and then....

Smart Ain't the Problem

My children always made great grades, were on the honor roll, and in The Nation Honor Society.  They are smart!  Some worked harder than others in some subjects and some just breezed through those subjects.  Even in college, when application is being put forth, they are amazingly brilliant. Trouble is: smart ain't the problem. The problem is they have little to no common sense.  

It cannot be genetic, my husband and 

I are loaded down with common sense if I do say so myself.  

 

Case in point: my son who is a classical pianist and composer.  

His sophomore year of college, he had moved out and was living with friends in a questionable house near the university.  I went inside the place twice, once before they moved in and once after. Questionable. Dirty. Stinky. Sticky.  They once had a pet goat if that tells you anything.  They are into cross-fit and MMA fights and all things extreme.  So, one evening after watching a fight they decide to go and box one another.  Not one on one mind you, but an all out free for all.  King of the hill if you will.  Clint was on call that weekend and I turned the ringer off on my phone.  As he has done before, God woke me up. I can't explain how he does it, he just does.  

I can be in some deep sleep and set straight up in the bed and something is always wrong or someone always needs me.  I sat up, picked up my phone, went into the bathroom and I had 14 missed calls from my child.  I texted him and he said he was in the living room.  I wasn't quiet, I got in there like momma bear fast!  There he sat...... right hand raised above his head.  Purple fingers peeking out of a homemade cast.  He was in PAIN!  These brilliant young men had made him a cast with a stick, paper towels and duct tape. I KID YOU NOT.  I got scissors and we got the unsatisfactory contraption off of him.  Immediately, the blood flow came back to his fingers and he had some relief.  He sighed, I was mad at his obvious stupidity, and told him to spend the night and we would check it out the following day.   

He felt better the next day although there was some swelling.  Plus, he is 19 and I thought he could read what his body was telling him.  He shook it off, I went about my day and two weeks later he was still feeling a little pain.  I gave him the doctor's number, the credit card, the insurance card, and the card for a prescription if needed. He tried to call the doctor but "something happened". A few days later, my cards are on the island, and he says "all is well!"  I take that to mean:  he saw the doctor, x-rays were ok, and he is just an idiot.  Turns out only 1/3 of my assumptions were correct.... 

Four months later he is begging to see the doctor because he is having trouble playing piano. Wait!  What? I seriously do not understand. Then I get the rundown on how he never went.  I tried to force him to be an adult; and he failed.  Time to put the mommy hat on and take care of business.  I called our friend who is a wonderful hand surgeon and he got Jacob right in; did x-rays and then surgery. Yes, I said surgery.  Fractures, bone grafts, and pins OH MY!  Are kids not born with common sense?  Are today's millennials just incapable of it? I am at a loss.  Needless to say, he did learn several lessons. 1) Do what your momma says when she says to do it 2) I am a musician not a fighter 3) Be more careful with my hands or piano may not be in my future.

What he had was literally called a "boxer's fracture".  What in the world?  It makes me wonder: have I done enough to prepare these kids for life?  Have I been too available? Our children grew up with two parents who loved The Lord and one another.  That's good right?

So, as I prayerfully write this, the only place I feel I could have averted this situation was to teach him the proper hand placement and stance for boxing an entire group of unsupervised boys in the middle of the night. Man!  I can't do anything right!  HA!  

Don't let things get you down mommies, I am learning that common sense will come.  It just takes a few big life lessons to get them there because "smart ain't the problem".  I Thes 5:11 says "Encourage one another and build one another up".  Lord knows the kids won't do it for us so find some good girlfriends and fellow moms and stick close.  You need a tribe!  And listen to The Lord when he tells you something is wrong...

The Armor of God

We were very active in church throughout the lives of our children.  Awanas, Sunday School, "Big Church", Children's Choir, Vacation Bible School, Bible Drill, and Youth Group.  We loved seeing our children worship and learn about God.  I can remember every single day in each of our babies lives that they asked Jesus into their hearts.  They still bring tears of joy to my eyes!  Each of our children asked us to pray with them at home and it was priceless.   

Proverbs 22:6 promises if you "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."  I wish I could tell you that is where we are at this point in our lives with our 25, 23, and 21 year old.  One of them is faithful in following what we have taught and two are doing their own thing.  

That reality scares me, but there is literally nothing I can do but pray for them each day. I look back & ask, "where did we go wrong?"  "what could I have done better?"  I have many answers to those questions & I think every mom probably would change something. 
But some things you can not change...

 

 

I think often about the difference between how I grew up two decade before my children. Four channels on the television, no computer, a phone attached to the wall, no had held games, no information at your fingertips, no such thing as an "app" to date, or check on movies or order food, and no downloading music!  It all makes me sound so ancient!  

My little brother was the "remote control" for my daddy when he wanted to watch something different, and if you missed what someone said on a show...you missed it!  No rewind, no pause, no recording it without a video tape.  The closest thing to a computer was an electric typewriter and I never saw a computer until my junior year of high school in 1984.  Thankfully, one of our phones was right beside our sliding glass door so I could stretch the cord and get some privacy. (privacy as far as the cord stretched, so like, 4 feet)  My dad loved technology and we had an Atari system on which we played Pong and Frogger.  

When I was a Senior, I only knew about colleges near me or that others had attended.  I recall thinking about The University of Hawaii because we had friends who lived there.  I had to actually write a letter to the Chamber of Commerce in Honolulu to get information on the school.  If I wanted to write a paper, I went to the library and looked in the card catalog for the book, then search the book for the information.  If I liked a boy or he liked me, we spoke to one another face to face.  Weird I know.  When I wanted music I went to the store and bought the entire cassette or CD to get the one song I liked. 

 

I don't think there was a huge difference in how my parents grew compared to my bother and me.  But how my children grew up verses how I did... the differences are massive! If I could go back and do anything different with the raising of my children it would be teaching and "wearing" the armor of God on a daily basis. I mean suiting up for battle!

 

Ephesians 6:10-18a

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,  and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions!"

Today, our children do not have an occasional "day" they face evil, it is every moment of every day....at their fingertips!  Evil doesn't just come, it is here at the click of a button.  They are being pushed down with hate, violence, sex, and lies with every step they take.  Unrighteousness pierces their heart daily and all of these things add up to turmoil in their daily lives.  How can they feel faith without doubt, or safety much less salvation with all the fear, how can they hear the Spirit speak to them with all of the noise of satan?  How? 

I should have suited them up.  I should have stood over their beds as they slept and prayed each one of these armor's of God over them every day.  Satan did not take a break! And as hard as we worked, as much as we stayed surrounded by God's church,  as often as we prayed that jerk, satan, was slipping in when we were not looking.  My boys have had more difficulties than my daughter as young adults.  I think boys are just more prone to excitement and feelings of invincibility than girls are...at least in my house.  So, the reality is this:  the world is here.  It is available with a click.  Information is easy.   Patience is not required in today's world for anyone.  They have it rough, and you may disagree, but I believe that is true with all my heart. Easy comes with a price!

I am going to pray for my millennials and for yours:  for armor and for grace.   

This is an interesting article: http://www.pewinternet.org/2015/08/06/teens-technology-and-friendships/

    

Empty Nest is Awesome, Until it's Not

I cannot set here at my beautiful desk (with no scratches from toys), in my quiet home, (which is clean) and tell you "I don't know how I am going to make it without my children.  It would be a lie:  a big, ole, fat, juicy lie.  I became a mom when I was 24 and I was finished having babies by age 30. They have come and gone, and come back and gone, and come back again. We currently have one back. It is exhausting!  Especially after they have given you a taste of empty nest. (which is like confetti, angels, and unicorns with rainbow manes)

I love my kids with all my heart.  Yes, it is sad to see them go. (for about an hour)  I raised them to be independent.  They all know how to fend for themselves in almost every way.  The boys know how to cook and iron, & our daughter knows how to call a handy man.  They don't need us for every little thing and I love that.  It means I did a good job.  Do they do things the way they were taught?  Nope.  Do they make a few mistakes along the way?  Certainly.  But isn't that is how it is supposed to be? Jesus did not stay with the disciples until they felt they were ready; he left them when it was his time to go.  They obviously figured things out because look where we are today....still talking about our Jesus! 

I knew when my oldest, received a trophy for participation when he was 5 that things were going to be rough for this generation.  Some of you are going to think, "this woman is crazy and she should not be allowed to raise children" when I tell you this: I made my kids throw those trophies away.  I sure did!  We explained that trophies were given for placing 1st, 2nd and 3rd just like the Olympics; and  if you didn't get one of those places you needed to try harder next time.  The little guy holding a bat with a gold tag underneath that read: PARTICIPATION was just your ticket for an ice cream at your favorite spot at our house and nothing more. 

My son is back at home taking time off to progress his piano skills until he can apply for a music conservatory of his choice in the east.  He knows there is a time frame on this "stay", he is aware that his room has become a guest room and if he wants to be in it, he must keep it clean.  (He sleeps in the basement) He is aware that in order to receive free food he must have a job and save his money.  He is aware that if he is asked to mow or do any task we ask of him, he better do with without complaining.  Why?  Because this is our house and he is a visitor, plain and simple. He gave us a taste of empty nest and we loved it!  If you can call the police and have them remove a human from your home, it does not belong to said human!  Don't get me wrong, he is welcome, but he is not 5 and I don't have an obligation to baby him or pay for him or pat his back for doing a good job.  We don't do participation trophies in this house, we do what adults are supposed to do.  See, Focus on the Family says that there are 80 MILLION families with children back home and we would like to make that           79, 999,999. 

We have raised, clothed and fed you as a child.  We thank you for the laughs, the cute photos, the home runs and touch downs.  We loved giving you birthday and Christmas gifts as you grew.  But now: we pay for your truck, your gas, your school, & your books.  We give you a place to live, eat, study, do your wash, and and play a little.  We've got you covered if you get sick, or in a wreck, need to make a phone call or even a new clothing item.  But realize: THERE IS A TIME FRAME ON THIS!

You are no longer cute, chubby, round & soft.  You are over 6', large, hairy, eat all of our food.  We love you dearly.  We cherish this time; but you is smart, you is kind and you is important so go share it with others!  The world needs you my child.

All good things must come to an end. There were no participation trophies in this house at any point in your life; so when you are ready, let me know and we will go get that one last ice cream. But this time....stay gone!  Daddy and I have plans and they are only for TWO.

Gosh they were adorable!

 Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Thankfulness

Thankfulness.  It seems so cliché and so overused.  You know why?  It is the approach.  We say “thank you” a lot, and we should.  But, as Christians we should make our thankfulness standout.  I have been neighbors and friends with Suzie for years.  We have served on boards together, our children grew up together, our youngest sons are best buddies, we travel together as couples, and she is like a sister to me.  But I give her one tiny thing, she sets down and writes me a thank you note!  I appreciate it, but it is not necessary.  I, however, do the same for her.  She makes me continually grateful for her friendship. 

But let me give you my favorite example of a thankful man. 

George Herbert Walker Bush, 41^st President of the United States of America.

When he became a Christian in May of 1938 his mother gave him a Bible with the words of a poem written inside by Howard A. Walter in 1906. It was later written as a hymn called, I Would Be True in 1918 by Samuel Harlow. Here are the lines written by Mrs. Bush and I think you will find he took them to heart: 

" I would be true, for there are those who trust me; I would be pure, for there are those who care; I would be strong, for there is much to suffer; I would be brave, for there is much to dare. I would be friend of all- the foe, the friendless; I would be giving, and forget the gift. I would be humble, for I know my weakness; I would look up- and laugh- and love- and lift."

George H.W.Bush lived his life just like the words penned by his mother in the front cover of his Bible.  They meant the world to him, because she did and God did.  

His wife, Barbara, says, “He is a strong man of faith, but quiet faith. He says you don’t talk about your faith, you show your faith.”  HE DID.  Was he perfect? NOPE. Did he make a difference as President?  YES. Does he continue to make a difference because of thankfulness?  ABSOLUTELY.

      He shook the hands of doormen at every place he visited, hotels, restaurants, and even world leader’s homes and it was top news!  (Because no other president did that)  He called world leader when he just wanted to see what was going on in their lives. Not about politics or to butter them up for something he needed.  How loyal is he? In 1980 while Bush was running for the Republican Presidential nomination, his campaign ran low on money and many of the staff volunteered to work at half their pay. After he pulled out of the race, Bush wrote notes to the staff with funny sayings, thanking them and including checks for the half pay they didn't get in the last two months of his campaign. Their willingness to do that, shows how respected & loved he was. 

     Here is the note he left to Bill Clinton when he lost the Presidential race to him:   
“Dear Bill, when I walked into this office just now I felt the same sense of wonder and respect that I felt four years ago. I know you will feel that, too.  I wish you great happiness here. I never felt the loneliness some Presidents have described.  There will be very tough times, made even more difficult by criticism you may not think is fair. I’m not a very good one to give advice; but just don’t let the critics discourage you or push you off course. You will be our President when you read this note. I wish you well. I wish your family well.  Your success is now our country’s success. I am rooting for you.  Good luck,  George”

     He  wrote thank you notes to people others did not notice, but it was not just notes, his words showed Christ as well.  Such as these words to his Chief of Staff, Michael Dannenhauer, who was gay.  Michael says, “He called me into The Oval one day and looked me right in the eyes and said, ‘I asked someone if you were gay’.  He said, ‘he loved me no matter what and wanted me to be happy never embarrassed or ashamed. He did not care if anyone knew!  You know Barb loves you Michael’.  The  President teared up, and concluded, ‘I hope I have never done anything to make you feel less than a person."  That man had so much to be concerned about for the world; but at that moment what he was most concerned about was whether or not someone knew they were loved.

   My favorite note of the thousands I have read is one he wrote to his grandson, Pierce.  George H.W. Bush loved his speed boat and never let anyone drive it. He asked Pierce to move It  during a low tide and he ran into rocks.  Pierce cried.  But later found this note on his bed:  “Pierce, I remember days when I felt I could do nothing right but then the sun would come up and a bright day would embrace me. Do not worry about the boat or car incidents, you are a good man who got a bad bounce, but all is well, believe me. I hate to see you worrying in doubt. You brighten my life so forget yesterday and today's little incidents. You 'da man, and I love you. Gammy does too. Gampy”
 (Pierce had also taken Gammy’s car without asking properly)

I could tell you all that man did as President, how he finished Yale in 2 ½ years, how he was the youngest pilot in the Navy ever, how he was shot down in war and lived, or how he created the LARGEST volunteer organization in the world, how he parachuted on his 75^th,  80^th, 85^th & 90^th birthdays and wrote a note to the man that was his tandem buddy; but none of that is pertinent to the man he is.   He was consistently Christian.   
The same before all that, the same after all that. 

Dana Carvey is a comedian who made fun of Bush on Saturday Night Live. After Bush lost the election to Clinton, his staff was devastated.  He asked Dana Carvey to come to the White House to make fun of him and cheer up the staff.  Not only his political staff, but his White House staff who were in tears.  He also stays in contact with members of the White House staff he knew while he was President, including some of the butlers and gardeners. I admire this man.  But as good as he is, as consistent as he remains, as thankful as he was raised to be, he is not Jesus. He is not my guide.  He is a wonderful example of leadership in faith. If you are thankful, remember one of the stanzas in the poem: 

I would be friend of all—the foe, the friendless;

I would be giving, and forget the gift;

I would be humble, for I know my weakness;

I would look up, and laugh, and love, and lift.

It is important to be genuinely thankful to others, to write down your words, to make a phone call, whatever your gift is. I have a few people I say, “I love you” to every night.  It takes me 2 seconds and I hope they know how genuinely I mean it.

“I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers,”

Ephesians 1:16