Discipline and Consistency are Hard

I think parents need to be consistent when their children are younger.  If you are not, they will not take you seriously when you say things like, "if you do not clean your room right now, you will not get to play outside."  If you don't follow through, the next time you ask, they are not going to clean their room and head straight outside. You just become a broken record! Then, I've been there, you get mad and unleash hell's fury on them and it makes things worse.  Then you have another issue....trust me.

I know it is hard because it takes time to train a child and time is not what mothers have an abundance of these days!  However, things get more serious the older they get.  Actions get broader and consequences get more real.  For instance:  "Your curfew is 11:00 and if you are not home, you are not going out for two weeks." But if they do not believe you, 11:00 rolls around, you are in bed, and they know you do not mean business so they stay out. Staying out leads to more severe things like: the opposite sex, alcohol, drugs, and just all around bad choices.  I am NOT saying these things cannot happen before 11:00, I am simply saying they are more likely to happen because you have not put the fear of God into them; so what in the world do they have to lose by being disobedient? 

I have been there, I have raised three millennials and one is still at home.  So this advice is not from studies or statistics, it is from living through it and coming out a little scorched from the fires of discipline.  My children always knew I meant business, that I would follow through and EVEN THEN one of them was willing to take the consequences and would do whatever he wanted.  I pray you do not have one of those children, because that will do you in!  I would set a curfew, then wait up, he would come in when he wanted, possibly inebriated,  which had me dealing with three issues:  his obvious breaking of curfew, his choices, and now having to be home with him for two weeks.  You know punishment is harder on you because you are living with a bitter teen who begs or pouts constantly!

The Bible is very clear about how to raise your children:  Proverbs 23:13 says "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from hell." It does not say beat, and you have to realize the lingo of thousands of years ago did not mean today's rod!  But a good paddle never hurt any child if laid upon a behind with love. We had, and still do have, a paddle with this verse written on it.  When we would head to a store or outing and they were acting like crazy people I would lean over and whisper in their ear, "do you want to go home and read Proverbs?" They knew exactly what that meant. And do you want to know a secret?  Because I was consistent I never used that paddle on our middle child, only used it once on our youngest, and the oldest we used it so much it broke and my husband fashioned another one!  But it became less and less as he got older, but consistency was key!

Hebrews 12:5-7 is clear about how our Heavenly Father feels about love and discipline:  "For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives. It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline." 

 Proverbs 12:24 makes it very clear, "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him."  

I realize you probably don't "hate" your child.  There are different modes of discipline and they should be given accordingly to each child.  Our daughter broke down at any thought she could be disobeying and basically needed no punishment other than time out. Our youngest loved going outside and when he was disobedient I would give him time out right by the door looking outside.  Knowing freedom was just a glass away killed him.  Our oldest got a hand spankings, bottom (diaper) pops, time outs, things taken away, grounded for weeks on end, paddled as a pre-teen, and even more severe consequences as he got older.  The punishment always fit the crime.  Each child is different, but consisent discipline is key. (above verse) It shows you love them.  You can't be "squishy" or even "authoritarian" with disciple, but you must be consistent for each child accordingly!

I want God to treat me as his daughter, I want him to love me as his child.  So, if I am being disobedient and blessings and favor are not coming my way, I know it is me alone who is hindering the blessings from my Father.    

Discipline can be funny.  Let me tell you about some of my hysterical moments with our oldest, remember the paddle?  Well, I kept it in the pantry in the kitchen.  He had been extrmemly bad for a solid week and I had used that paddle on him probably once a day.  I was cooking supper and he was setting at the table doing homework.  He was smarting off to me and I went into the pantry to retrieve an item. He immediately started to cry and tell me he was sorry!  I came out with a can of something and he says, "I thought you were getting the paddle..."  Mommy = 1  Oldest = 0

 When he was junior high aged he was maddening.  I would pick him up and then get the other two at their school close to our home.  He always complained about not having a certain friend over and I got sick of it!   I pulled over outside our neighborhood and told him to "get out of the car and walk home".  He pleaded, but he knew I meant it.  We get home and I lock all of the doors.  He goes to each one, knocking and begging, and finally at the front door, he rings our bell.  I ask who it is, because I am funny like that, and he says, "me!  I am really sorry."   The magic words to open the door.  Later in the week he is being a toot to my husband!  I told him to take the child to the back of the neighborhood and make him walk home.  My sweet husband doesn't even ask and just goes along.  20 minutes later, the doorbell rings and I, again because I am hysterical, ask who it is.  Apology. Magic. 

A few days later, it is time for a guitar lesson and I say, "Cade, go get in the car."  I promise you the child replies, "WHAT DID I DO?" Heaven help me!  Now I need to find a new "trick".   Reality is this:  raising kids is ridiculously hard.  But if you are in touch with The Lord he will give you grace to carry on each day.  The video below is so funny, I think Mr. Harvey probably parented like I did.  But what is sad about this video is that the mother in it does not know what to do.  If your child is getting their cues from the internet, take it away!  Get the computer, get the phone, the iPad, etc. Come on parents!  We have to live among your parenting results and sometimes I want to spank YOU for it...


If you are offended by the word "a$$" don't watch this:  

                    

Smart Ain't the Problem

My children always made great grades, were on the honor roll, and in The Nation Honor Society.  They are smart!  Some worked harder than others in some subjects and some just breezed through those subjects.  Even in college, when application is being put forth, they are amazingly brilliant. Trouble is: smart ain't the problem. The problem is they have little to no common sense.  

It cannot be genetic, my husband and 

I are loaded down with common sense if I do say so myself.  

 

Case in point: my son who is a classical pianist and composer.  

His sophomore year of college, he had moved out and was living with friends in a questionable house near the university.  I went inside the place twice, once before they moved in and once after. Questionable. Dirty. Stinky. Sticky.  They once had a pet goat if that tells you anything.  They are into cross-fit and MMA fights and all things extreme.  So, one evening after watching a fight they decide to go and box one another.  Not one on one mind you, but an all out free for all.  King of the hill if you will.  Clint was on call that weekend and I turned the ringer off on my phone.  As he has done before, God woke me up. I can't explain how he does it, he just does.  

I can be in some deep sleep and set straight up in the bed and something is always wrong or someone always needs me.  I sat up, picked up my phone, went into the bathroom and I had 14 missed calls from my child.  I texted him and he said he was in the living room.  I wasn't quiet, I got in there like momma bear fast!  There he sat...... right hand raised above his head.  Purple fingers peeking out of a homemade cast.  He was in PAIN!  These brilliant young men had made him a cast with a stick, paper towels and duct tape. I KID YOU NOT.  I got scissors and we got the unsatisfactory contraption off of him.  Immediately, the blood flow came back to his fingers and he had some relief.  He sighed, I was mad at his obvious stupidity, and told him to spend the night and we would check it out the following day.   

He felt better the next day although there was some swelling.  Plus, he is 19 and I thought he could read what his body was telling him.  He shook it off, I went about my day and two weeks later he was still feeling a little pain.  I gave him the doctor's number, the credit card, the insurance card, and the card for a prescription if needed. He tried to call the doctor but "something happened". A few days later, my cards are on the island, and he says "all is well!"  I take that to mean:  he saw the doctor, x-rays were ok, and he is just an idiot.  Turns out only 1/3 of my assumptions were correct.... 

Four months later he is begging to see the doctor because he is having trouble playing piano. Wait!  What? I seriously do not understand. Then I get the rundown on how he never went.  I tried to force him to be an adult; and he failed.  Time to put the mommy hat on and take care of business.  I called our friend who is a wonderful hand surgeon and he got Jacob right in; did x-rays and then surgery. Yes, I said surgery.  Fractures, bone grafts, and pins OH MY!  Are kids not born with common sense?  Are today's millennials just incapable of it? I am at a loss.  Needless to say, he did learn several lessons. 1) Do what your momma says when she says to do it 2) I am a musician not a fighter 3) Be more careful with my hands or piano may not be in my future.

What he had was literally called a "boxer's fracture".  What in the world?  It makes me wonder: have I done enough to prepare these kids for life?  Have I been too available? Our children grew up with two parents who loved The Lord and one another.  That's good right?

So, as I prayerfully write this, the only place I feel I could have averted this situation was to teach him the proper hand placement and stance for boxing an entire group of unsupervised boys in the middle of the night. Man!  I can't do anything right!  HA!  

Don't let things get you down mommies, I am learning that common sense will come.  It just takes a few big life lessons to get them there because "smart ain't the problem".  I Thes 5:11 says "Encourage one another and build one another up".  Lord knows the kids won't do it for us so find some good girlfriends and fellow moms and stick close.  You need a tribe!  And listen to The Lord when he tells you something is wrong...