Showing posts with label discipline. Show all posts
Showing posts with label discipline. Show all posts

Monday, April 10, 2017

What a Woman!

What an extraordinary woman!  Eric Metaxas' book "7 Women", includes Susanna Wesley who is a phenomenal example of the importance of motherhoodWe all know that being a mom is the greatest of any job we will ever have; but when you read this short bio of Susanna Wesley....JUST WOW!  How she raised her children, although quite methodical, was in a different time and age and cannot be accomplished today in the same manner.  But the foundations of her motherhood and love are timeless.  

She was born in 1669 and died in 1742.  She was one of 25 children. Her father was a minister, who in 1662, was one of 2000 ministers who refused to follow the Act of Uniformity. ( An act decreeing all religious leaders follow the teaching of the Church of England) So, she came from a good, strong, and religious family.  Because of her upbringing, she is said to have displayed "a theological knowledge superior to that of many ministers of that day." AWESOME!

She married Samuel Wesley, also a minister and writer. They had a tough time in life as Samuel was often indebted to a number of people.  He borrowed money to furnish his rectory and purchase farm equipment; and the interest and repayments were a burden their entire lives.  She gave birth to 19 children, two being John and Charles Wesley who would change the world with their ministries!  Samuel, with his debts and their increasing family, became deeply depressed leading him to abandon his family and his congregation for an entire year.  At the end of that year, their home burned down and he returned to rebuild.  In all of this: Susanna remained strong and dedicated to the Lord and her family. Talk about living Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

She educated them, even her girls which was not customary at the time, teaching them to read, write "and reason".  But above, all she taught her children to love God.  She is quoted as saying "'tis no small honour to be entrusted with the care of so many souls." She counted it an HONOR to have these children become children of God.  Each of her children's formal educations began at age five, though she began teaching them much earlier that:  "there was a Supreme Being to whom their gratitude and homage must be reverently rendered."  She taught dependence upon God.  And when she could not find textbooks that met her needs in teaching, she wrote her own.  I LOVE HER TENACITY!

Her children's daily routine was rigorous. She required them to study 3 hours in the morning and 3 hours in the afternoon 6 days a week.  And at no slow pace did she teach, most of her children learned the alphabet on their first day of school.  She was a disciplinarian, mother, and teacher and is called the "Mother of Methodism".  That foundation is how John and Charles' lives began the Methodist Church. Her children were always put into a regular method of living based on their ages and capabilities.  She knew that teaching them early was being a little tough. However, she felt that was the true meaning of love.  She considered parents who allowed bad habits were being cruel to their children.

Even in the little things, she was disciplined.  She put her small children to bed awake after their baths, teaching them to soothe themselves.  It may seem harsh, but with no help from her husband and so many children it wasn't just her way of doing things it was a necessity. She chastised as needed and let other childhood "follies" go; but never willful disobedience.  This went a long way in not only having her children obey their parents, but also God. When Samuel was home, he too took part in teaching his sons Greek, Latin and classical literature to prepare them for boarding schools.  

After a second fire, some of the children had to live with friends and relatives while the home was being rebuilt.  Susanna later wrote, " they were left at full liberty to run abroad and play with any children good or bad.  They learned neglect of the Sabbath, and got knowledge of bad things.  Which were not reformed without difficulties."  I love this!  John and Charles were in Oxford at this time and were so 'methodical' in their studies that their classmates deemed them "Methodists" and they began a group so called.  Her example did not go unnoticed to John and Charles. Her devotional writings are a beautiful insight into her heart and mind, such as after the loss of two homes to fire and the loss 9 of her 19 children:  "Help me, O Lord, to make a true use of all disappointments and calamities in this life, in such a way that they may unite my heart more closely with thee."  

Living in a small town, being confined to home teaching, and their financial status led to loneliness.  She once wrote:  "Enable me to live so as to deserve a friend, and if I never have one on earth, be Thou my friend, for in having Thee I shall have all that is dear and valuable in friendship."  Even with her sons away at schools, she continued to teach them in long letters regarding things such as alcohol and girls, and love and passion.  Samuel also wrote his sons as well, mostly about how he valued his wife and the mother she was to them. He desired them to "reverence and love her as much as you will in her age." But his words are confusing because it is known he far valued his sons, leaving his wife and daughters to live in poverty!  But none the less, his sons got the message long before Samuel's words by the love from their mother. Susanna's daughters loved her dearly and resented their father. He was not a great man.  When he died, he did so in debt and those to whom he owed money pressured her.  (one even had her arrested) But her sons stepped in with financial help. And after returning from America, John and Charles Wesley famously underwent the great spiritual transformation coming to understand that salvation was not by works but of faith. Ephesians 2:8-10 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

In 1738 John was saved, and later Charles.  Salvation led Charles to write his famous hymn, "And Can It Be".  It is one of the most popular of the SIX THOUSAND he wrote. See, few mothers influence the world so greatly as Susanna Wesley. John not only founded the Methodist movement, but in doing so it led to the abolition of the slave trade, child labor laws, cruelty to animals, and caring for the poor and suffering.  Methodist number 80 million around the world not to mention their hospitals, colleges, and orphanages.  THINK ABOUT THAT! God used a mother in England, in a tiny town, with great sufferings, stricken with loneliness and poverty to raise children who changed our world even today.  Each of her children followed God, 100% of them....there is something to be said for a mother who trusts in God.  A mother who does not desire to be a friend but a teacher and guide.  A woman despite suffering in life and love, is not selfish.  A woman who is faithful to God until the day she dies.  That is Susanna Wesley, she makes me wish I could go back and do it over again.   Eric Metaxas' last line in his bio of Susanna says, "The world in which we live owes much of the goodness in it to her life."  Amen


Note:  Charles also wrote:  "Hark the Herald Angels Sing", and "Christ the Lord is Risen Today". 

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Discipline and Consistency are Hard


I think parents need to be consistent when their children are younger.  If you are not, they will not take you seriously when you say things like, "if you do not clean your room right now, you will not get to play outside."  If you don't follow through, the next time you ask, they are not going to clean their room and head straight outside. You just become a broken record! Then, I've been there, you get mad and unleash hell's fury on them and it makes things worse.  Then you have another issue....trust me.

I know it is hard because it takes time to train a child and time is not what mothers have an abundance of these days!  However, things get more serious the older they get.  Actions get broader and consequences get more real.  For instance:  "Your curfew is 11:00 and if you are not home, you are not going out for two weeks." But if they do not believe you, 11:00 rolls around, you are in bed, and they know you do not mean business so they stay out. Staying out leads to more severe things like: the opposite sex, alcohol, drugs, and just all around bad choices.  I am NOT saying these things cannot happen before 11:00, I am simply saying they are more likely to happen because you have not put the fear of God into them; so what in the world do they have to lose by being disobedient

I have been there, I have raised three millennials and one is still at home.  So this advice is not from studies or statistics, it is from living through it and coming out a little scorched from the fires of discipline.  My children always knew I meant business, that I would follow through and EVEN THEN one of them was willing to take the consequences and would do whatever he wanted.  I pray you do not have one of those children, because that will do you in!  I would set a curfew, then wait up, he would come in when he wanted, possibly inebriated,  which had me dealing with three issues:  his obvious breaking of curfew, his choices, and now having to be home with him for two weeks.  You know punishment is harder on you because you are living with a bitter teen who begs or pouts constantly!

The Bible is very clear about how to raise your children:  Proverbs 23:13 says "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from hell." It does not say beat, and you have to realize the lingo of thousands of years ago did not mean today's rod!  But a good paddle never hurt any child if laid upon a behind with love. We had, and still do have, a paddle with this verse written on it.  When we would head to a store or outing and they were acting like crazy people I would lean over and whisper in their ear, "do you want to go home and read Proverbs?" They knew exactly what that meant. And do you want to know a secret?  Because I was consistent I never used that paddle on our middle child, only used it once on our youngest, and the oldest we used it so much it broke and my husband fashioned another one!  But it became less and less as he got older, but consistency was key!


Hebrews 12:5-7 is clear about how our Heavenly Father feels about love and discipline:  "For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives. It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline." 

 Proverbs 12:24 makes it very clear, "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him."  

I realize you probably don't "hate" your child.  There are different modes of discipline and they should be given accordingly to each child.  Our daughter broke down at any thought she could be disobeying and basically needed no punishment other than time out. Our youngest loved going outside and when he was disobedient I would give him time out right by the door looking outside.  Knowing freedom was just a glass away killed him.  Our oldest got a hand spankings, bottom (diaper) pops, time outs, things taken away, grounded for weeks on end, paddled as a pre-teen, and even more severe consequences as he got older.  The punishment always fit the crime.  Each child is different, but consisent discipline is key. (above verse) It shows you love them.  You can't be "squishy" or even "authoritarian" with disciple, but you must be consistent for each child accordingly!

I want God to treat me as his daughter, I want him to love me as his child.  So, if I am being disobedient and blessings and favor are not coming my way, I know it is me alone who is hindering the blessings from my Father.    

Discipline can be funny.  Let me tell you about some of my hysterical moments with our oldest, remember the paddle?  Well, I kept it in the pantry in the kitchen.  He had been extrmemly bad for a solid week and I had used that paddle on him probably once a dayI was cooking supper and he was setting at the table doing homework.  He was smarting off to me and I went into the pantry to retrieve an item. He immediately started to cry and tell me he was sorry!  I came out with a can of something and he says, "I thought you were getting the paddle..."  Mommy = 1  Oldest = 0

 When he was junior high aged he was maddening.  I would pick him up and then get the other two at their school close to our home.  He always complained about not having a certain friend over and I got sick of it!   I pulled over outside our neighborhood and told him to "get out of the car and walk home".  He pleaded, but he knew I meant it.  We get home and I lock all of the doors.  He goes to each one, knocking and begging, and finally at the front door, he rings our bell.  I ask who it is, because I am funny like that, and he says, "me!  I am really sorry."   The magic words to open the door.  Later in the week he is being a toot to my husband!  I told him to take the child to the back of the neighborhood and make him walk homeMy sweet husband doesn't even ask and just goes along.  20 minutes later, the doorbell rings and I, again because I am hysterical, ask who it is.  Apology. Magic. 

A few days later, it is time for a guitar lesson and I say, "Cade, go get in the car."  I promise you the child replies, "WHAT DID I DO?" Heaven help me!  Now I need to find a new "trick".   Reality is this:  raising kids is ridiculously hard.  But if you are in touch with The Lord he will give you grace to carry on each day.  The video below is so funny, I think Mr. Harvey probably parented like I did.  But what is sad about this video is that the mother in it does not know what to do.  If your child is getting their cues from the internet, take it away!  Get the computer, get the phone, the iPad, etc. Come on parents!  We have to live among your parenting results and sometimes I want to spank YOU for it...


If you are offended by the word "a$$" don't watch this:  
                    

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

My Heart Outside My Body

These three are my heart.  They don't look like this anymore, they are 25, 23 and 21 now.  But my love for them only grows. Every mom knows when you have a child, you have part of yourself walking around this big, ugly world, and it is scary.  But God continually showed me grace when I messed up parenting these guys.  The reality is this:  no matter what you do, how hard you pray, or with as much love as you give, they are going to do what they want!  Good or bad, harmful or helpful, smart or just plain ignorant. 
Parenting is not a spectator sport. We don't look at a schedule to see what time the game is and clothe ourselves in the proper colors of our team then put on sunscreen to watch.  The only schedule for parenting is 24/7/365, and our attire is peanut butter, spit up, poop, and coffee stains, and the only protection we have is not SPF Sport 30 but Jesus Christ. Try and do it alone and you will find far more reality than grace!
If your child is sick: I Peter 5:7 "Casting all your cares on him because he cares for you".  Having a sick baby, or teen is tough because there is not much you can do but pray and get the proper medicines in them.  But eventually you will be at your wits end so it is good to have the Savior holding the rope!
If your child is being strong-willed today:  Proverbs 3:5–6: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."  I always sent the kids to my room because it was boring and had no toys, because no matter how strong willed you are being, little buddy, I am better at it! 
If your family is so busy you don't recall the last time you sat down at the table together: Romans 12:2 says "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”  I don't remember football or baseball games much but I do remember times we laughed at the table together and those memories mean the world to me. Sadly, they were fleeting as the kids got older.
When no one in the house is getting sleep:  Remember that even Christ had to plan for rest Mark 6:31 says, “Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to [His disciples], ‘Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.’”  Say "no" to a play date or planned activity every once in a while, let the laundry go or the dishes and plan to just snuggle on the couch. 
When you just are too tired to discipline: Proverbs 13:24 clearly says "He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly."  I am not advocating a belt, or paddle etc, but I am advocating prompt discipline with consistency.  
If your husband is working so much you feel like a single parent; you are not alone.  (Or you may even be a single parent, even YOU are not alone) Philippians 4:13 says "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."  My husband was in school until he was 32 and he was gone most of the year for training.  Sometimes he was away as much as 20 weeks in a single year.  It was awful but we made it through with much prayer.  Neither of our families lived closer than 6 hours away so free babysitting or small breaks were not an option for me.   I had to tough it out with Jesus which made it easier.
When you have fun plans and the kids literally ruin them with their attitudes: James 4:13-15 says "Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit'— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.”  In other words, it doesn't matter, tomorrow is a new day. 
I guess what I want you to know is this:  God knows your troubles momma, he knows your heart and he is giving you grace upon grace.  You will yell and you will scream, you will cry and you will ache; but your Heavenly Father is right there with you.  He created you for a purpose and he is in control. HE IS IN CONTROL, NOT YOUJoshua 1:9 says "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” 
We have been through everything from scraped knees, broken hearts, wins and losses on a field, birthday parties, drivers ed, wrecks, sicknesses, ballet and music lessons, high school, college, broken bones and even rehab but God was in control.  We were too tired and worn to take control and because we let Him, sometimes too late, this is where we are today...
My heart still is walking around outside my body in three different directions, but God is holding it in his beautiful hands and that, my friends, is grace AND reality. 💗