Smart Ain't the Problem

My children always made great grades, were on the honor roll, and in The Nation Honor Society.  They are smart!  Some worked harder than others in some subjects and some just breezed through those subjects.  Even in college, when application is being put forth, they are amazingly brilliant. Trouble is: smart ain't the problem. The problem is they have little to no common sense.  

It cannot be genetic, my husband and 

I are loaded down with common sense if I do say so myself.  

 

Case in point: my son who is a classical pianist and composer.  

His sophomore year of college, he had moved out and was living with friends in a questionable house near the university.  I went inside the place twice, once before they moved in and once after. Questionable. Dirty. Stinky. Sticky.  They once had a pet goat if that tells you anything.  They are into cross-fit and MMA fights and all things extreme.  So, one evening after watching a fight they decide to go and box one another.  Not one on one mind you, but an all out free for all.  King of the hill if you will.  Clint was on call that weekend and I turned the ringer off on my phone.  As he has done before, God woke me up. I can't explain how he does it, he just does.  

I can be in some deep sleep and set straight up in the bed and something is always wrong or someone always needs me.  I sat up, picked up my phone, went into the bathroom and I had 14 missed calls from my child.  I texted him and he said he was in the living room.  I wasn't quiet, I got in there like momma bear fast!  There he sat...... right hand raised above his head.  Purple fingers peeking out of a homemade cast.  He was in PAIN!  These brilliant young men had made him a cast with a stick, paper towels and duct tape. I KID YOU NOT.  I got scissors and we got the unsatisfactory contraption off of him.  Immediately, the blood flow came back to his fingers and he had some relief.  He sighed, I was mad at his obvious stupidity, and told him to spend the night and we would check it out the following day.   

He felt better the next day although there was some swelling.  Plus, he is 19 and I thought he could read what his body was telling him.  He shook it off, I went about my day and two weeks later he was still feeling a little pain.  I gave him the doctor's number, the credit card, the insurance card, and the card for a prescription if needed. He tried to call the doctor but "something happened". A few days later, my cards are on the island, and he says "all is well!"  I take that to mean:  he saw the doctor, x-rays were ok, and he is just an idiot.  Turns out only 1/3 of my assumptions were correct.... 

Four months later he is begging to see the doctor because he is having trouble playing piano. Wait!  What? I seriously do not understand. Then I get the rundown on how he never went.  I tried to force him to be an adult; and he failed.  Time to put the mommy hat on and take care of business.  I called our friend who is a wonderful hand surgeon and he got Jacob right in; did x-rays and then surgery. Yes, I said surgery.  Fractures, bone grafts, and pins OH MY!  Are kids not born with common sense?  Are today's millennials just incapable of it? I am at a loss.  Needless to say, he did learn several lessons. 1) Do what your momma says when she says to do it 2) I am a musician not a fighter 3) Be more careful with my hands or piano may not be in my future.

What he had was literally called a "boxer's fracture".  What in the world?  It makes me wonder: have I done enough to prepare these kids for life?  Have I been too available? Our children grew up with two parents who loved The Lord and one another.  That's good right?

So, as I prayerfully write this, the only place I feel I could have averted this situation was to teach him the proper hand placement and stance for boxing an entire group of unsupervised boys in the middle of the night. Man!  I can't do anything right!  HA!  

Don't let things get you down mommies, I am learning that common sense will come.  It just takes a few big life lessons to get them there because "smart ain't the problem".  I Thes 5:11 says "Encourage one another and build one another up".  Lord knows the kids won't do it for us so find some good girlfriends and fellow moms and stick close.  You need a tribe!  And listen to The Lord when he tells you something is wrong...

My Heart Outside My Body

These three are my heart.  They don't look like this anymore, they are 25, 23 and 21 now.  But my love for them only grows. Every mom knows when you have a child, you have part of yourself walking around this big, ugly world, and it is scary.  But God continually showed me grace when I messed up parenting these guys.  The reality is this:  no matter what you do, how hard you pray, or with as much love as you give, they are going to do what they want!  Good or bad, harmful or helpful, smart or just plain ignorant. 

Parenting is not a spectator sport. We don't look at a schedule to see what time the game is and clothe ourselves in the proper colors of our team then put on sunscreen to watch.  The only schedule for parenting is 24/7/365, and our attire is peanut butter, spit up, poop, and coffee stains, and the only protection we have is not SPF Sport 30 but Jesus Christ. Try and do it alone and you will find far more reality than grace!

If your child is sick: I Peter 5:7 "Casting all your cares on him because he cares for you".  Having a sick baby, or teen is tough because there is not much you can do but pray and get the proper medicines in them.  But eventually you will be at your wits end so it is good to have the Savior holding the rope!

If your child is being strong-willed today:  Proverbs 3:5–6: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."  I always sent the kids to my room because it was boring and had no toys, because no matter how strong willed you are being, little buddy, I am better at it! 

If your family is so busy you don't recall the last time you sat down at the table together: Romans 12:2 says "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”  I don't remember football or baseball games much but I do remember times we laughed at the table together and those memories mean the world to me. Sadly, they were fleeting as the kids got older.

When no one in the house is getting sleep:  Remember that even Christ had to plan for rest Mark 6:31 says, “Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to [His disciples], ‘Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.’”  Say "no" to a play date or planned activity every once in a while, let the laundry go or the dishes and plan to just snuggle on the couch. 

When you just are too tired to discipline: Proverbs 13:24 clearly says "He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly."  I am not advocating a belt, or paddle etc, but I am advocating prompt discipline with consistency.  

If your husband is working so much you feel like a single parent; you are not alone.  (Or you may even be a single parent, even YOU are not alone) Philippians 4:13 says "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."  My husband was in school until he was 32 and he was gone most of the year for training.  Sometimes he was away as much as 20 weeks in a single year.  It was awful but we made it through with much prayer.  Neither of our families lived closer than 6 hours away so free babysitting or small breaks were not an option for me.   I had to tough it out with Jesus which made it easier.

When you have fun plans and the kids literally ruin them with their attitudes: James 4:13-15 says "Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit'— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.”  In other words, it doesn't matter, tomorrow is a new day. 

I guess what I want you to know is this:  God knows your troubles momma, he knows your heart and he is giving you grace upon grace.  You will yell and you will scream, you will cry and you will ache; but your Heavenly Father is right there with you.  He created you for a purpose and he is in control. HE IS IN CONTROL, NOT YOU.  Joshua 1:9 says "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” 

We have been through everything from scraped knees, broken hearts, wins and losses on a field, birthday parties, drivers ed, wrecks, sicknesses, ballet and music lessons, high school, college, broken bones and even rehab but God was in control.  We were too tired and worn to take control and because we let Him, sometimes too late, this is where we are today...

My heart still is walking around outside my body in three different directions, but God is holding it in his beautiful hands and that, my friends, is grace AND reality. 💗