Discipline and Consistency are Hard

I think parents need to be consistent when their children are younger.  If you are not, they will not take you seriously when you say things like, "if you do not clean your room right now, you will not get to play outside."  If you don't follow through, the next time you ask, they are not going to clean their room and head straight outside. You just become a broken record! Then, I've been there, you get mad and unleash hell's fury on them and it makes things worse.  Then you have another issue....trust me.

I know it is hard because it takes time to train a child and time is not what mothers have an abundance of these days!  However, things get more serious the older they get.  Actions get broader and consequences get more real.  For instance:  "Your curfew is 11:00 and if you are not home, you are not going out for two weeks." But if they do not believe you, 11:00 rolls around, you are in bed, and they know you do not mean business so they stay out. Staying out leads to more severe things like: the opposite sex, alcohol, drugs, and just all around bad choices.  I am NOT saying these things cannot happen before 11:00, I am simply saying they are more likely to happen because you have not put the fear of God into them; so what in the world do they have to lose by being disobedient? 

I have been there, I have raised three millennials and one is still at home.  So this advice is not from studies or statistics, it is from living through it and coming out a little scorched from the fires of discipline.  My children always knew I meant business, that I would follow through and EVEN THEN one of them was willing to take the consequences and would do whatever he wanted.  I pray you do not have one of those children, because that will do you in!  I would set a curfew, then wait up, he would come in when he wanted, possibly inebriated,  which had me dealing with three issues:  his obvious breaking of curfew, his choices, and now having to be home with him for two weeks.  You know punishment is harder on you because you are living with a bitter teen who begs or pouts constantly!

The Bible is very clear about how to raise your children:  Proverbs 23:13 says "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from hell." It does not say beat, and you have to realize the lingo of thousands of years ago did not mean today's rod!  But a good paddle never hurt any child if laid upon a behind with love. We had, and still do have, a paddle with this verse written on it.  When we would head to a store or outing and they were acting like crazy people I would lean over and whisper in their ear, "do you want to go home and read Proverbs?" They knew exactly what that meant. And do you want to know a secret?  Because I was consistent I never used that paddle on our middle child, only used it once on our youngest, and the oldest we used it so much it broke and my husband fashioned another one!  But it became less and less as he got older, but consistency was key!

Hebrews 12:5-7 is clear about how our Heavenly Father feels about love and discipline:  "For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives. It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline." 

 Proverbs 12:24 makes it very clear, "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him."  

I realize you probably don't "hate" your child.  There are different modes of discipline and they should be given accordingly to each child.  Our daughter broke down at any thought she could be disobeying and basically needed no punishment other than time out. Our youngest loved going outside and when he was disobedient I would give him time out right by the door looking outside.  Knowing freedom was just a glass away killed him.  Our oldest got a hand spankings, bottom (diaper) pops, time outs, things taken away, grounded for weeks on end, paddled as a pre-teen, and even more severe consequences as he got older.  The punishment always fit the crime.  Each child is different, but consisent discipline is key. (above verse) It shows you love them.  You can't be "squishy" or even "authoritarian" with disciple, but you must be consistent for each child accordingly!

I want God to treat me as his daughter, I want him to love me as his child.  So, if I am being disobedient and blessings and favor are not coming my way, I know it is me alone who is hindering the blessings from my Father.    

Discipline can be funny.  Let me tell you about some of my hysterical moments with our oldest, remember the paddle?  Well, I kept it in the pantry in the kitchen.  He had been extrmemly bad for a solid week and I had used that paddle on him probably once a day.  I was cooking supper and he was setting at the table doing homework.  He was smarting off to me and I went into the pantry to retrieve an item. He immediately started to cry and tell me he was sorry!  I came out with a can of something and he says, "I thought you were getting the paddle..."  Mommy = 1  Oldest = 0

 When he was junior high aged he was maddening.  I would pick him up and then get the other two at their school close to our home.  He always complained about not having a certain friend over and I got sick of it!   I pulled over outside our neighborhood and told him to "get out of the car and walk home".  He pleaded, but he knew I meant it.  We get home and I lock all of the doors.  He goes to each one, knocking and begging, and finally at the front door, he rings our bell.  I ask who it is, because I am funny like that, and he says, "me!  I am really sorry."   The magic words to open the door.  Later in the week he is being a toot to my husband!  I told him to take the child to the back of the neighborhood and make him walk home.  My sweet husband doesn't even ask and just goes along.  20 minutes later, the doorbell rings and I, again because I am hysterical, ask who it is.  Apology. Magic. 

A few days later, it is time for a guitar lesson and I say, "Cade, go get in the car."  I promise you the child replies, "WHAT DID I DO?" Heaven help me!  Now I need to find a new "trick".   Reality is this:  raising kids is ridiculously hard.  But if you are in touch with The Lord he will give you grace to carry on each day.  The video below is so funny, I think Mr. Harvey probably parented like I did.  But what is sad about this video is that the mother in it does not know what to do.  If your child is getting their cues from the internet, take it away!  Get the computer, get the phone, the iPad, etc. Come on parents!  We have to live among your parenting results and sometimes I want to spank YOU for it...


If you are offended by the word "a$$" don't watch this:  

                    

My Heart Outside My Body

These three are my heart.  They don't look like this anymore, they are 25, 23 and 21 now.  But my love for them only grows. Every mom knows when you have a child, you have part of yourself walking around this big, ugly world, and it is scary.  But God continually showed me grace when I messed up parenting these guys.  The reality is this:  no matter what you do, how hard you pray, or with as much love as you give, they are going to do what they want!  Good or bad, harmful or helpful, smart or just plain ignorant. 

Parenting is not a spectator sport. We don't look at a schedule to see what time the game is and clothe ourselves in the proper colors of our team then put on sunscreen to watch.  The only schedule for parenting is 24/7/365, and our attire is peanut butter, spit up, poop, and coffee stains, and the only protection we have is not SPF Sport 30 but Jesus Christ. Try and do it alone and you will find far more reality than grace!

If your child is sick: I Peter 5:7 "Casting all your cares on him because he cares for you".  Having a sick baby, or teen is tough because there is not much you can do but pray and get the proper medicines in them.  But eventually you will be at your wits end so it is good to have the Savior holding the rope!

If your child is being strong-willed today:  Proverbs 3:5–6: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."  I always sent the kids to my room because it was boring and had no toys, because no matter how strong willed you are being, little buddy, I am better at it! 

If your family is so busy you don't recall the last time you sat down at the table together: Romans 12:2 says "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”  I don't remember football or baseball games much but I do remember times we laughed at the table together and those memories mean the world to me. Sadly, they were fleeting as the kids got older.

When no one in the house is getting sleep:  Remember that even Christ had to plan for rest Mark 6:31 says, “Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to [His disciples], ‘Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.’”  Say "no" to a play date or planned activity every once in a while, let the laundry go or the dishes and plan to just snuggle on the couch. 

When you just are too tired to discipline: Proverbs 13:24 clearly says "He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly."  I am not advocating a belt, or paddle etc, but I am advocating prompt discipline with consistency.  

If your husband is working so much you feel like a single parent; you are not alone.  (Or you may even be a single parent, even YOU are not alone) Philippians 4:13 says "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."  My husband was in school until he was 32 and he was gone most of the year for training.  Sometimes he was away as much as 20 weeks in a single year.  It was awful but we made it through with much prayer.  Neither of our families lived closer than 6 hours away so free babysitting or small breaks were not an option for me.   I had to tough it out with Jesus which made it easier.

When you have fun plans and the kids literally ruin them with their attitudes: James 4:13-15 says "Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit'— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.”  In other words, it doesn't matter, tomorrow is a new day. 

I guess what I want you to know is this:  God knows your troubles momma, he knows your heart and he is giving you grace upon grace.  You will yell and you will scream, you will cry and you will ache; but your Heavenly Father is right there with you.  He created you for a purpose and he is in control. HE IS IN CONTROL, NOT YOU.  Joshua 1:9 says "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” 

We have been through everything from scraped knees, broken hearts, wins and losses on a field, birthday parties, drivers ed, wrecks, sicknesses, ballet and music lessons, high school, college, broken bones and even rehab but God was in control.  We were too tired and worn to take control and because we let Him, sometimes too late, this is where we are today...

My heart still is walking around outside my body in three different directions, but God is holding it in his beautiful hands and that, my friends, is grace AND reality. 💗