From "No" to "Know"

 Everyone says, "learn to say no."  I even say it to younger women and I absolutely mean it!  However, it is only part of the advise I need to be giving; and for that I am sorry. If you are a woman you know what tired means.  If you are a mom you know what depleted means. Let's face it, most of America is tired.  But tired means you can still reach deep within and give a little more.  Depleted means you have absolutely NOTHING left. Except maybe tears.

Please understand I am not bragging, I am actually showing you what an idiot I have been for three decades. I have a husband and three children.  We have owned pets from the tarantula, to the rabbit, to the fish to the dog and cat.  We have taken lessons in piano, guitar, drum, tap, jazz, ballet, gymnastics, golf, swim lessons and voice.  For years our garage looked like a sporting good store from  from soccer balls, footballs, golf clubs, hockey sticks, basketballs, footballs, track shoes, baseballs and gloves, and tennis rackets. All these were mixed in with bicycles, toys, and other miscellaneous items only I knew how to put away.  

I have volunteered at homeless shelters, clinics for unwed mothers, food banks, no kill shelters, neighborhood associations and schools. I have raised money for children's hospitals, women trapped in sex slavery, The Ronald McDonald House, Fellowship of Christian Athletes, mission trips, PTA's,  ballet schools, and special needs adults. 

I have been on the board of directors or advisory boards of more organizations than I can count.  I have taught Sunday School, worked in the youth department, taught children's choir, VBS, Awanas, been on building committees, coached teams, and been a room mother about 12 times.  I was always up for helping with a wedding or an auction or fund raiser etc.  But you know what?  I am depleted....plain and simple. I'm done.  As a matter of fact if God wants me now, to fill a small quiet space, I am good with that.  
(as long as it glorifies Him) 

People tell you it is alright to say "no".  But it feels awful to say "no".  You realize when someone is asking you to do something: they have thought about it, wondered who could get the job done, and your name popped into their head.  It feels good to be needed, right? So, you say yes without prayer, contemplation, or consultation with your family.  Having someone hear you say the words "yes" and seeing the joy on their face coupled with their sigh of relief makes you feel good.  Makes you feel needed, trusted and counted on.  

But just for a moment... 

Then you realize the gap you have to fill between your "yes" and the completion of the request. And all because you could not say that one word you say 1 millions times a day to your children and a few nights a week to your husband..."NO".  You can say it to the kids but you can't say it to a peer? (I couldn't)  I don't know how long it took Steve Jobs, co- founder of Apple, to come up with this knowledge but it is greatness:  "it is only by saying 'no' that you can concentrate on the things that are really important."  So, just decide what is really  important, do those things and say "no" to things that do not bring you closer to God, help your family, or teach your children right? Well, that is partly right.  My daughter is a 23 year old young woman with a beautiful career in ministry.  She works overseas several months out of the year helping children and lives in Texas the remainder.  We recently had a discussion about time and priorities.  I reminded her of Matthew 11:28:  "come to me all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." If that was true 2000 years ago, with all the pressure and technology we have from the world today, it must be significantly more important now. The devil acquires more and more ways to distract us from God. The world will carefully, and deliberately expect us to accept and act upon those distractions with unrealistic goals. (even if they are for a good cause)

See, in Luke Chapter 10 we are given the example of Martha and Mary. I am sure you  have heard Martha was working and Mary was not helping her; but instead she was setting at the feet of Jesus.  "Choosing the good portion" as Jesus described when Martha complained to him. Mary said "no" to Martha whether verbally or non-verbally and she received a reward. A reward for saying "NO"!  This is where I have failed myself, and have taught other young Christian women to fail also. See, there is a sequel to saying "no".  

How do I know this?  Well, I am in the midst of learning it myself!  Saying "no" frees up your time.  But what do you do with that time?  Do you fill it with yet another lesson, ball game, Netflix binge, or useless book? "No" should go hand in hand with being still.  

Just because you CAN do all things through Christ who give you strength does not mean you should! Go and find a lonely, beautiful place, and be still there! No phone, computer, no headphones, book, chores or television. God promises to be there with you. (Joshua 1:5)  Not only will He meet you there but He will bring peace that passes all understanding. (Philippians 4:7) And the more quiet you become, the louder His voice will be to you. (Revelation 3:20)  

 And the louder His voice becomes to you the more strength you receive! (Isaiah 41:10) Strength to go and make all those "YES"es big and beautiful.  

So, don't just say "no", also BE STILL AND "KNOW".

Cade Is Like No Other...

My children are as different as can be:  God wants parents to celebrate and rejoice in their differences and not to suppress them. Even if that were NOT my way of thinking....these three would have whipped me into their individuality pronto! 

This kid was born on June 26, 1991.  It was Wednesday and he arrived at 9:28 pm.  It was rough! I mean like 30+ hours of labor rough, but then almost every day since then has been that way, good and bad.  He is the kid who, even today, texts and says "can I call?" I want to throw my phone down and start stomping on it no matter the cost of a new one.  But he is growing up and finding his way and it is beautiful to see with your firstborn.  It gives you hope you did not screw them up beyond repair. 

His name is Cade Joshua Gregg.  He is a ginger, a creator, and inspiration, an athlete, a fighter, a musician, and a unique human being.  He is ALL RIGHT BRAIN. He is artistic & imaginative, which means he cannot find his keys, keep up his appearance, has no sense of fashion or direction, and ruins every nice thing I get him. It is infuriating! And with all those wonderful characteristics he has to be the center of attention as well. He never left the house without looking perfect when I was in control, that red hair was like a beacon to women everywhere we went.  And as they got closer, BAM!  The blue eyes hit them and they would not leave him alone.  For an attention seeker that was heaven to Cade!  He loved it because it was center stage.

Yes he has on shorts and hiking boots.

There is not an instrument he cannot play.  
Confidence is King with this one!

Things have not changed as you can see. But with the difficulties of raising a child like this ginger of mine, also came fun.  A LOT OF FUN! 

1.  He would get his siblings together to put on shows for me and they were wonderfully creative and fun!  But it made him an "actor" later in his life. He could lie with the best.
   
   
2. He always had a band and that is why we built a basement.  First it was Myriad Intentions, then The Beat Rawkers, The Southside Kings, Through November, and currently I think it is "Danger, Will Robinson".  But who knows?  I am certain I have missed a few. Cade is a brilliant artist and I am thankful never "made it".  It would have killed him.  Everything he does, he does with an almost addictive attitude.  100%+
3. There have been band practices galore in the basement, walls scratched by instruments being brought up and down and some of the weirdest people I have ever seen coming through our doors.  Nice but weird, and I adored them all.
4.  We have had holes in our walls, tears in our carpet, bean bags blown to smithereens from stage dives, (yes we have a stage in our basement) I have found boogers on walls, pee in bottles, and had many questions where I have asked, "what is this?"  HE INFURIATES ME 99% of the time.  But oh how wonderful is the other 1%!
5.  I know I am not alone, boys are a challenge.  But when you decide to go into the pit and clean your son's room yourself, because you cannot take waiting for him, and find a live mouse at the end of your vacuum hose you have reached a turning point.  
6. But fighting a right brain is a losing battle, it just is.  I am OCD, clean to the max, everything has a place and every place has a reason.  I don't look for things because I know where they are.  I plan meals a month in advance.  I know not just what my day looks like but my month.  It is a curse!  I would have been a better mom to Cade had I a little use of my right brain. To say we butted heads is an understatement. 
7. Time will change boys a little.  I see it every day.  Cade graduated early and was already a Sophomore in college by the time his classmates graduated.  He pushed every limit.  He is why we have a home alarm, dogs to bark, family map on our iPhones, and why God gave me a double dose of mother's intuition.  I wore it out with him and his shenanigans. There were times I thought I would die before he was 18.
8. He has been kicked out of college, wrecked cars and trucks, made horrible choices in his life and with me kicking and screaming and praying all along the way.  He has lived in his car, slept on friends couches and so on...
9. But every bad decision had a consequence from us.  He lived most of his life at age 15 without a door to his room because he could not be trusted in private.  He has been kicked out and sometimes kicked. We have cried many a tear over this kid, wore out knees praying, we have been to emergency rooms and counselors; and felt like we had utterly failed on so many levels for him that there was no hope. ZERO.
10. However, hope arrived little by little. Time and tough love changed a little of the rough edges. I see more of that kid who made me laugh and picked up his toys after making the most giant mess you have ever seen.  I see more of the young man that God created him to be when I hear about his grades at his university.  He was always brilliant and knew what he wanted; he just discovered it all too early and got lost. 
11. He pays for his own school now, pays his own bills, works hard, makes great grades and is way kinder than I have known in years. He is becoming the man I prayed for. 
12. Is there a ways to go?  SURE.  Does he have it all together?  NOPE.  But who of us does?  NOT ME.  I am so thankful in all of the rough times, he has kept his creativity, his genius, his musical mind, and thoughtful heart.  He still makes me crazy, but it keeps me on my toes.  And I love him more than he can ever know.  He is one of a kind this kid...do yourself a favor and watch some of the YouTube videos below of how great he is/or thinks he is!  ha
    
    
    https://youtu.be/cERF40krcfQ
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2FT9U94MYY
    And my favorite....
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMyGevkAm0s 
    
    

    Isaiah 40:1

    Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Reality Can Be Too Much

This is the best way for me to tell you how reality affects my life and God's grace saves me...Mr. Norman Rockwell and his ideas of life.  Mr. Rockwell was born in the late 1800's and died in 1978 when I was in the 5th grade.  His paintings adorned the homes of my grandmothers and even our own home during the holidays.  Family, Santa Clause, snow, meals at the family table, blah blah blah Norman.  You have no idea about life old man!

This for instance.  A Daughter home for Christmas to see her parents.  Perfectly dressed.  Loving husband in tow. A small gift her parents will love.  Excitement and true joy.  Here is reality Mr. Rockwell:  I may or may not have all my children home for the holidays but if I do they are poorly dressed, sleepy and starving.  They have not brought gifts for us, but they are certainly expecting some under the tree for them.  I am happy to see them and their laundry, their friends, the cars that need the oil and tires changed and empty Starbucks cups all over my house.  (half full I might add)  All that decorating and cooking and cleaning is blown to Hades in the span of two days. We do love and laugh, but the reality is we also fuss and disagree and make messes that no one but myself is capable of cleaning up. And when the confusion ends, I am left with taking down the decorations until next year, silently, with Bing Crosby playing in the background.

Here.  A doctor prepares a young man's shot.  The little one, with no mother around, willingly prepares for the shot and stands still, even getting up on a chair so the old man doesn't have to bend over to reach him.  How sweet!  I have a 23 year old who still calls her daddy or me before a shot. We have to basically pump her up for it like a prize fighter.  The thought of a needle going into her body at the age of 3 made her eligible to participate in the 100 yard dash in The Olympics.  At age 4, so as not to embarrass us and scatter all the children in the waiting room with her wailing, we had to promise trips to Toys-R-Us. Later, we bribed her with clothes to just tone down the gnashing of teeth.  You know what I learned? Nurses are magicians! I should have sent them flowers afterwards for making them work so hard.  When she turned 13 I finally felt we had it together, we didn't. Now Karma has made an appearance in her life and her job requires her to travel overseas.  She has to get so many shots!  But the reality is:  we still buy her ice cream or Starbucks afterwards.

And finally, reprimanding your child.  Way to go dad!  Set him down, have him look at you in the eyes with remorse, talk to him in a calm and even voice while regret fills his little heart.  Your calm voice hasn't even awaken the family pet under the chair while her kittens frolic about.  Good for you, good. for. you.  When my boys were in trouble (we only had trouble with our daughter at shot time) we had to sometimes physically set them in a chair. And I say "we" with abandonment because my husband rarely disciplined our children.  Maybe once, twice if I was lucky.  Those boys sat looking at me like I had three heads and one was made of liver and onions.  Arms crossed.  Eyes rolled.  Body slouched.  I was always determined to be calm and then that "you are over reacting mother" or "all of my friends..." would hit my ears and all of our family pets would scatter.  There was no regret, no sadness, I could not even threaten the age old, "wait until you daddy gets home."  Because who knew when that would be with his schedule.  And punishing them, as you know, is punishing myself.  I never gave in and I always won, but the reality is that Norman Rockwall would have never painted us.

James 4:6

But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”  Some days just humble me to the point that I realize:  I cannot but God can and will!