My brother in law, Johnny, has autism. He is totally dependent upon his family, non-verbal, loving, smart, & funny! He is the middle child, sandwiched between my sister in law and my husband. He is the creamy middle of the family; you know, the good stuff. He came into my life when I was 21 & I fell in love with him before I did his brother. I know little about Johnny's raising, I just know it was hard and confusing at the time. They did not know much about autism when Johnny was born in the early 60's. They just considered him "retarded". (which has such negative connotation now)
The word autism
comes from the Greek word "autos," which means "self." It describes
conditions in which a person is removed from social interaction. In
other words, he becomes an “isolated self.” It was originally referred to as one group of symptoms related to schizophrenia. Autism and schizophrenia were, unfortunately, linked together until the late 1960's. Sadly, it was "treated" with medications until the 1980's. It was a time when research into treatments for autism focused on: medications such as LSD, electric shock, and behavioral change techniques relying on pain & punishment. During the 1980's and 1990's, the role of behavioral therapy
and the use of highly controlled learning environments emerged as the
primary treatments. My in-laws were prompted to leave Johnny weeks at a time at a hospital for "help and treatment". I am not sure anyone knows what really happened. But, that hospital later became the place my husband studied medicine; and when Johnny would come to visit us he would get very upset thinking he was going to be taken back. (even after decades)
I volunteer at a place in our city called High Point Village. It is for adults who have aged out of High School and need something to do instead of set at home day after day. They range from 22-62 years of age! Disney World may boast being the "happiest place on earth", but I beg to differ! You should go to their website and check it out, donate, or come and visit! If your day is not going well, these people will love you and leave you with abounding joy.... They are my favorite human beings on the planet! High Point is a place of which our Johnny may be a part some day! www.highpointvillage.org
I Corinthians 12:8 says "But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose". Just like you and me, God CHOSE these human beings; He created them for a purpose and each of their families will tell you that purpose is to teach you what REAL love and REAL joy is. Autism can be challenging and beautiful at the same time. And although it is a deeply unique situation for families, because none of us think about having a baby with a special need, it turns out to be the best thing ever! Johnny is pure, and you cannot impress him with anything but love. Love is what he understands and love is what he gives. OK, he can be impressed with Mexican food! (But me too)
Here are some of the challenges I know Johnny and my in-laws have faced: he gets so frustrated he hits and beats his head on a wall or floor, he gets obsessed with certain things we don't understand (like no one being able to have their shoes tied around him), he will always have to be cared for by our family and I know my in-laws worry about him, there is NO rushing him because he frankly doesn't care if he is late, he goes through phases of gaining weight and losing it, and he is not much of a people person.
Here are some of the challenges my husband faces with me: he gets so frustrated that I want my house to be in order all the time that he wants to beat his head on the wall, I am obsessed with throwing pottery and art, my husband will always have to care for me because I need supervision on a regular basis, there is zero being late for me and frankly, the only reason you should be late is if you have an autistic child! I go through phases of gaining and losing weight, and I am not much of a people person at times.
Johnny and I are not so different.
Here are the things I love about Johnny:
He may get anxious because he cannot convey his feelings to us, but he can tell you what he wants with facial expressions! He may have a melt down but he can get happy lightening fast. He can memorize a song, or do a puzzle in a flash! Seriously, the man can hear a song and sing it perfectly afterwards; or stare at a puzzle forever and then put it together. I have loads of stories about his memory, i.e. I dropped a plate one night and picked up the broken pieces in front of him. I put it in a paper sack and placed it in the trash. He obviously did not like the way I cleaned it up because when I came back to the kitchen, he had taken it out and recreated the break. Each piece was exactly where it had fallen, which made me feel like I was dreaming! Johnny has the heart of a child and presents from Santa make him smile. He loves to go out and eat Mexican food with his family. He has the most unique laugh that cracks up our whole family and he loves to be tickled. Johnny never ceases to pray for the family before Thanksgiving meal. I could go on and on and on and on..... We would not trade Johnny for the world. He has changed all of our lives and I love that my children are comfortable around Special People.
God works through these children. You need to re-read and process that...
God works through these children. He uses them to show others HIMSELF!
Exodus 4:11 says "Then the Lord said to him, “Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind?
Is it not I, the Lord?"
These are our children on the left and my sister in-law's three on the right. Johnny is in the middle with my mother and father in law right where he belongs! See, the Bible says that ALL children are a heritage from the Lord. Not just the seemingly perfect ones, but ALL! They do not deserve to be judged, they deserve respect because what they deal with is hard! They don't want to be treated like babies because they have the same dreams we have. Autism is not just a "stage" for the parents, like teenage years, autism is a forever reality. So ask if there is anything you can do when you see a mom in distress with a special child. If you know one ask if you can pick up something at the store because you are going anyway. Bring the parent a coffee or their favorite drink because they don't get out much, or let them know you love and pray for them because this is their forever reality.
But in addition: their forever reality is lots of love and joy mingled with grace and they wouldn't change it for anything! ANYTHING! My in-laws could write a book on this guy and their journey...
Did you know ...
- Autism now affects 1 in 68 children and 1 in 42 boys
- Autism prevalence figures are growing
- Autism is one of the fastest-growing developmental disorders in the U.S.
- Autism costs a family $60,000 a year on average
- Boys are nearly five times more likely than girls to have autism
- There is no medical detection or cure for autism
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