Rebuke to Restoration

Everyone thinks of love in the Bible as I Cor 13, or John 3:16 and those are FABULOUS examples of love.  We would have nothing without them.  No idea that Jesus gave His life for us because He loved us, nor would we have an idea about what true love is supposed to look like in our relationships.

But I adore how Zephaniah tells the Kingdom of Judah that God loved them with those words. 

And I wanted  you to see them before we get to WHY they were written....

God raised up Zephaniah for the purpose of telling the Southern Kingdom that disaster was headed their way if they did not get it together! And he did not sugar coat anything, he got to the point right away.  They were worshiping other gods, wearing clothing for said gods, demonstrating various rituals toward those gods & placing the gods on high hills no less.  And no one was above his judgement, Zephaniah told the people in Zeph 1:7-9 that even the king and his family would not be spared.  He prophesied the desolation and ruin of many cities. 

It is not that he was not being loving, it's just that sometimes reality is brutal!  (600 years before Christ and also today)  He even spoke of those who have become complacent, YIKES!  I am raising my hand in guilt with that one. Not one person, rich or poor, young or old will be able to hide from the lamp of God say verses 12-13. 

Verses 14-16 sound just awful: The great day of the LORD is near; it is near and hastens quickly. The noise of the day of the LORD is bitter; there the mighty men shall cry out. That day is a day of wrath, a day of trouble and distress, a day of devastation and desolation, a day of darkness and gloominess, a day of clouds and thick darkness, a day of trumpet and alarm against the fortified cities and against the high towers. 
 

And then there is Chapter 2:  HOPE is given by Zephaniah if they seek to do what is right and live humbly. But that would be too easy!

So then there is Chapter 3:  WOE because Jerusalem refuses all correction. If you have ever tried to raise a toddler or teenager you know exactly what this means!  We try to give them an "out" but they are stubborn and do things their way.  (Just like we do with God)
 
But, at the end of Chapter 3:  RESTORATION

Can it get any more beautiful in the Old Testament than 3:17 ?

The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” 

Dear Lord!  In the midst of my unwillingness to love others, to snap at my husband and children, to pass by someone in need, to complain, to put other things before you, your desire is to save me? UNBELIEVABLE... And not only save me, but delight in me and rejoice over me with singing?  WOW!  But isn't that what we, as parents, do over our own children?  They disobey and rebel.  But we love unconditionally and do not take love away from them when they break the rules.  We discipline them and love them through it all. Just like God does for us...

The people of Judah had long since turned their backs on God, not only in their personal lives but also in their worship. This reflected the depth of their sin and the deep need for God’s people to be purged on their path to restoration.  Sound familiar? I often look at our nation, especially during last year's presidential election, and feel hopeless. But I am resting on and in the words of Zephaniah and his eloquent verbiage of just how God wants to love us through it all.  Love us beautifully.

I often lose my mind and my love for others at their stupidity.  It is easy to look at our young people and be afraid for our future. It is perfectly acceptable to be horrified as a nation with the options we had for president and currently have. It is difficult to see the news and know this is our reality and wonder how much worse can it get?   But it is not ok to look at any of it as doom, disaster, or destruction because:   

God is always a God of restoration and hope!  When we are in a tough spot it can feel like a disaster, but listen for the joyful singing at the end because it is there...

Special (Needs) People

My brother in law, Johnny, has autism. He is totally dependent upon his family, non-verbal, loving, smart, & funny!  He is the middle child, sandwiched between my sister in law and my husband.  He is the creamy middle of the family; you know, the good stuff.  He came into my life when I was 21 & I fell in love with him before I did his brother.  I know little about Johnny's raising, I just know it was hard and confusing at the time. They did not know much about autism when Johnny was born in the early 60's.  They just considered him "retarded". (which has such negative connotation now)

 The word autism comes from the Greek word "autos," which means "self." It describes conditions in which a person is removed from social interaction.  In other words, he becomes an “isolated self.” It was originally referred to as one group of symptoms related to schizophrenia. Autism and schizophrenia were, unfortunately, linked together until the late 1960's.  Sadly, it was "treated" with medications until the 1980's.  It was a time when research into treatments for autism focused on: medications such as LSD, electric shock, and behavioral change techniques relying on pain & punishment. During the 1980's and 1990's, the role of behavioral therapy and the use of highly controlled learning environments emerged as the primary treatments.  My in-laws were prompted to leave Johnny weeks at a time at a hospital for "help and treatment". I am not sure anyone knows what really happened.  But, that hospital later became the place my husband studied medicine; and when Johnny would come to visit us he would get very upset thinking he was going to be taken back. (even after decades)

I volunteer at a place in our city called High Point Village.  It is for adults who have aged out of High School and need something to do instead of set at home day after day.  They range from 22-62 years of age! Disney World may boast being the "happiest place on earth", but I beg to differ!  You should go to their website and check it out, donate, or come and visit! If your day is not going well, these people will love you and leave you with abounding joy.... They are my favorite human beings on the planet! High Point is a place of which our Johnny may be a part some day! www.highpointvillage.org

  I Corinthians 12:8 says "But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose".  Just like you and me, God CHOSE these human beings; He created them for a purpose and each of their families will tell you that purpose is to teach you what REAL love and REAL joy is.  Autism can be challenging and beautiful at the same time.  And although it is a deeply unique situation for families, because none of us think about having a baby with a special need, it turns out to be the best thing ever! Johnny is pure, and you cannot impress him with anything but love. Love is what he understands and love is what he gives.  OK, he can be impressed with Mexican food!  (But me too)

Here are some of the challenges I know Johnny and my in-laws have faced:  he gets so frustrated he hits and beats his head on a wall or floor, he gets obsessed with certain things we don't understand (like no one being able to have their shoes tied around him), he will always have to be cared for by our family and I know my in-laws worry about him, there is NO rushing him because he frankly doesn't care if he is late, he goes through phases of gaining weight and losing it, and he is not much of a people person. 

Here are some of the challenges my husband faces with me:  he gets so frustrated that I want my house to be in order all the time that he wants to beat his head on the wall, I am obsessed with throwing pottery and art, my husband will always have to care for me because I need supervision on a regular basis, there is zero being late for me and frankly, the only reason you should be late is if you have an autistic child!  I go through phases of gaining and losing weight, and I am not much of a people person at times. 

Johnny and I are not so different.

Here are the things I love about Johnny: 

He may get anxious because he cannot convey his feelings to us, but he can tell you what he wants with facial expressions!  He may have a melt down but he can get happy lightening fast.  He can memorize a song, or do a puzzle in a flash!  Seriously, the man can hear a song and sing it perfectly afterwards; or stare at a puzzle forever and then put it together.  I have loads of stories about his memory, i.e. I dropped a plate one night and picked up the broken pieces in front of him.  I put it in a paper sack and placed it in the trash.  He obviously did not like the way I cleaned it up because when I came back to the kitchen, he had taken it out and recreated the break. Each piece was exactly where it had fallen, which made me feel like I was dreaming! Johnny has the heart of a child and presents from Santa make him smile.  He loves to go out and eat Mexican food with his family.  He has the most unique laugh that cracks up our whole family and he loves to be tickled. Johnny never ceases to pray for the family before Thanksgiving meal.  I could go on and on and on and on..... We would not trade Johnny for the world.  He has changed all of our lives and I love that my children are comfortable around Special People.

God works through these children. You need to re-read and process that...  

God works through these children.  He uses them to show others HIMSELF!

 Exodus 4:11 says "Then the Lord said to him, “Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? 

Is it not I, the Lord?"  

These are our children on the left and my sister in-law's three on the right.  Johnny is in the middle with my mother and father in law right where he belongs!  See, the Bible says that ALL children are a heritage from the Lord.  Not just the seemingly perfect ones, but ALL!   They do not deserve to be judged, they deserve respect because what they deal with is hard!  They don't want to be treated like babies because they have the same dreams we have. Autism is not just a "stage" for the parents, like teenage years, autism is a forever reality.  So ask if there is anything you can do when you see a mom in distress with a special child. If you know one ask if you can pick up something at the store because you are going anyway. Bring the parent a coffee or their favorite drink because they don't get out much, or let them know you love and pray for them because this is their forever reality. 

But in addition:  their forever reality is lots of love and joy mingled with grace and they wouldn't change it for anything!  ANYTHING!  My in-laws could write a book on this guy and their journey...

 

Did you know ...

• Autism now affects 1 in 68 children and 1 in 42 boys
• Autism prevalence figures are growing
• Autism is one of the fastest-growing developmental disorders in the U.S.
• Autism costs a family $60,000 a year on average
• Boys are nearly five times more likely than girls to have autism
• There is no medical detection or cure for autism

Discipline and Consistency are Hard

I think parents need to be consistent when their children are younger.  If you are not, they will not take you seriously when you say things like, "if you do not clean your room right now, you will not get to play outside."  If you don't follow through, the next time you ask, they are not going to clean their room and head straight outside. You just become a broken record! Then, I've been there, you get mad and unleash hell's fury on them and it makes things worse.  Then you have another issue....trust me.

I know it is hard because it takes time to train a child and time is not what mothers have an abundance of these days!  However, things get more serious the older they get.  Actions get broader and consequences get more real.  For instance:  "Your curfew is 11:00 and if you are not home, you are not going out for two weeks." But if they do not believe you, 11:00 rolls around, you are in bed, and they know you do not mean business so they stay out. Staying out leads to more severe things like: the opposite sex, alcohol, drugs, and just all around bad choices.  I am NOT saying these things cannot happen before 11:00, I am simply saying they are more likely to happen because you have not put the fear of God into them; so what in the world do they have to lose by being disobedient? 

I have been there, I have raised three millennials and one is still at home.  So this advice is not from studies or statistics, it is from living through it and coming out a little scorched from the fires of discipline.  My children always knew I meant business, that I would follow through and EVEN THEN one of them was willing to take the consequences and would do whatever he wanted.  I pray you do not have one of those children, because that will do you in!  I would set a curfew, then wait up, he would come in when he wanted, possibly inebriated,  which had me dealing with three issues:  his obvious breaking of curfew, his choices, and now having to be home with him for two weeks.  You know punishment is harder on you because you are living with a bitter teen who begs or pouts constantly!

The Bible is very clear about how to raise your children:  Proverbs 23:13 says "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from hell." It does not say beat, and you have to realize the lingo of thousands of years ago did not mean today's rod!  But a good paddle never hurt any child if laid upon a behind with love. We had, and still do have, a paddle with this verse written on it.  When we would head to a store or outing and they were acting like crazy people I would lean over and whisper in their ear, "do you want to go home and read Proverbs?" They knew exactly what that meant. And do you want to know a secret?  Because I was consistent I never used that paddle on our middle child, only used it once on our youngest, and the oldest we used it so much it broke and my husband fashioned another one!  But it became less and less as he got older, but consistency was key!

Hebrews 12:5-7 is clear about how our Heavenly Father feels about love and discipline:  "For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives. It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline." 

 Proverbs 12:24 makes it very clear, "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him."  

I realize you probably don't "hate" your child.  There are different modes of discipline and they should be given accordingly to each child.  Our daughter broke down at any thought she could be disobeying and basically needed no punishment other than time out. Our youngest loved going outside and when he was disobedient I would give him time out right by the door looking outside.  Knowing freedom was just a glass away killed him.  Our oldest got a hand spankings, bottom (diaper) pops, time outs, things taken away, grounded for weeks on end, paddled as a pre-teen, and even more severe consequences as he got older.  The punishment always fit the crime.  Each child is different, but consisent discipline is key. (above verse) It shows you love them.  You can't be "squishy" or even "authoritarian" with disciple, but you must be consistent for each child accordingly!

I want God to treat me as his daughter, I want him to love me as his child.  So, if I am being disobedient and blessings and favor are not coming my way, I know it is me alone who is hindering the blessings from my Father.    

Discipline can be funny.  Let me tell you about some of my hysterical moments with our oldest, remember the paddle?  Well, I kept it in the pantry in the kitchen.  He had been extrmemly bad for a solid week and I had used that paddle on him probably once a day.  I was cooking supper and he was setting at the table doing homework.  He was smarting off to me and I went into the pantry to retrieve an item. He immediately started to cry and tell me he was sorry!  I came out with a can of something and he says, "I thought you were getting the paddle..."  Mommy = 1  Oldest = 0

 When he was junior high aged he was maddening.  I would pick him up and then get the other two at their school close to our home.  He always complained about not having a certain friend over and I got sick of it!   I pulled over outside our neighborhood and told him to "get out of the car and walk home".  He pleaded, but he knew I meant it.  We get home and I lock all of the doors.  He goes to each one, knocking and begging, and finally at the front door, he rings our bell.  I ask who it is, because I am funny like that, and he says, "me!  I am really sorry."   The magic words to open the door.  Later in the week he is being a toot to my husband!  I told him to take the child to the back of the neighborhood and make him walk home.  My sweet husband doesn't even ask and just goes along.  20 minutes later, the doorbell rings and I, again because I am hysterical, ask who it is.  Apology. Magic. 

A few days later, it is time for a guitar lesson and I say, "Cade, go get in the car."  I promise you the child replies, "WHAT DID I DO?" Heaven help me!  Now I need to find a new "trick".   Reality is this:  raising kids is ridiculously hard.  But if you are in touch with The Lord he will give you grace to carry on each day.  The video below is so funny, I think Mr. Harvey probably parented like I did.  But what is sad about this video is that the mother in it does not know what to do.  If your child is getting their cues from the internet, take it away!  Get the computer, get the phone, the iPad, etc. Come on parents!  We have to live among your parenting results and sometimes I want to spank YOU for it...


If you are offended by the word "a$$" don't watch this: