From "No" to "Know"

 Everyone says, "learn to say no."  I even say it to younger women and I absolutely mean it!  However, it is only part of the advise I need to be giving; and for that I am sorry. If you are a woman you know what tired means.  If you are a mom you know what depleted means. Let's face it, most of America is tired.  But tired means you can still reach deep within and give a little more.  Depleted means you have absolutely NOTHING left. Except maybe tears.

Please understand I am not bragging, I am actually showing you what an idiot I have been for three decades. I have a husband and three children.  We have owned pets from the tarantula, to the rabbit, to the fish to the dog and cat.  We have taken lessons in piano, guitar, drum, tap, jazz, ballet, gymnastics, golf, swim lessons and voice.  For years our garage looked like a sporting good store from  from soccer balls, footballs, golf clubs, hockey sticks, basketballs, footballs, track shoes, baseballs and gloves, and tennis rackets. All these were mixed in with bicycles, toys, and other miscellaneous items only I knew how to put away.  

I have volunteered at homeless shelters, clinics for unwed mothers, food banks, no kill shelters, neighborhood associations and schools. I have raised money for children's hospitals, women trapped in sex slavery, The Ronald McDonald House, Fellowship of Christian Athletes, mission trips, PTA's,  ballet schools, and special needs adults. 

I have been on the board of directors or advisory boards of more organizations than I can count.  I have taught Sunday School, worked in the youth department, taught children's choir, VBS, Awanas, been on building committees, coached teams, and been a room mother about 12 times.  I was always up for helping with a wedding or an auction or fund raiser etc.  But you know what?  I am depleted....plain and simple. I'm done.  As a matter of fact if God wants me now, to fill a small quiet space, I am good with that.  
(as long as it glorifies Him) 

People tell you it is alright to say "no".  But it feels awful to say "no".  You realize when someone is asking you to do something: they have thought about it, wondered who could get the job done, and your name popped into their head.  It feels good to be needed, right? So, you say yes without prayer, contemplation, or consultation with your family.  Having someone hear you say the words "yes" and seeing the joy on their face coupled with their sigh of relief makes you feel good.  Makes you feel needed, trusted and counted on.  

But just for a moment... 

Then you realize the gap you have to fill between your "yes" and the completion of the request. And all because you could not say that one word you say 1 millions times a day to your children and a few nights a week to your husband..."NO".  You can say it to the kids but you can't say it to a peer? (I couldn't)  I don't know how long it took Steve Jobs, co- founder of Apple, to come up with this knowledge but it is greatness:  "it is only by saying 'no' that you can concentrate on the things that are really important."  So, just decide what is really  important, do those things and say "no" to things that do not bring you closer to God, help your family, or teach your children right? Well, that is partly right.  My daughter is a 23 year old young woman with a beautiful career in ministry.  She works overseas several months out of the year helping children and lives in Texas the remainder.  We recently had a discussion about time and priorities.  I reminded her of Matthew 11:28:  "come to me all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." If that was true 2000 years ago, with all the pressure and technology we have from the world today, it must be significantly more important now. The devil acquires more and more ways to distract us from God. The world will carefully, and deliberately expect us to accept and act upon those distractions with unrealistic goals. (even if they are for a good cause)

See, in Luke Chapter 10 we are given the example of Martha and Mary. I am sure you  have heard Martha was working and Mary was not helping her; but instead she was setting at the feet of Jesus.  "Choosing the good portion" as Jesus described when Martha complained to him. Mary said "no" to Martha whether verbally or non-verbally and she received a reward. A reward for saying "NO"!  This is where I have failed myself, and have taught other young Christian women to fail also. See, there is a sequel to saying "no".  

How do I know this?  Well, I am in the midst of learning it myself!  Saying "no" frees up your time.  But what do you do with that time?  Do you fill it with yet another lesson, ball game, Netflix binge, or useless book? "No" should go hand in hand with being still.  

Just because you CAN do all things through Christ who give you strength does not mean you should! Go and find a lonely, beautiful place, and be still there! No phone, computer, no headphones, book, chores or television. God promises to be there with you. (Joshua 1:5)  Not only will He meet you there but He will bring peace that passes all understanding. (Philippians 4:7) And the more quiet you become, the louder His voice will be to you. (Revelation 3:20)  

 And the louder His voice becomes to you the more strength you receive! (Isaiah 41:10) Strength to go and make all those "YES"es big and beautiful.  

So, don't just say "no", also BE STILL AND "KNOW".

Serving Others

What would you do for a complete stranger?  I have bought clothes, food, given my spare change, filled up a gas tank and given someone a place to stay.  But Jesus died for strangers. Top that!  But He also taught them how to fish, to trust, and to have faith.  He raised strangers from the dead, healed them, gave them sight, cast demons out of them, and He taught them the true meaning of LOVE. I John 4:8 says simply that God is love. So, while He walked the earth He exhibited love.  In death He showed love and even today He freely gives LOVE.

I watch documentaries every night.  I adore learning.  I would be a student forever and have 15 degrees if I had the time and money.  I loved school and I love to read.  Not romance novels and such but meaty stuff like:  The Memoirs of Harry S. Truman, The Secret Holocaust, Holman’s Bible Dictionary, Grudem’s Making Sense of the Bible and Henry David Thoreau’s Collected Poems. Those books and others just like them are scattered throughout my home. I am not a Kindle girl, I am a kill all the trees and make me a book girl!

I recently read an impactful book called Stuck in the Mud by Jane Clark. Well, I read it to a 3 year old but it is a riveting story about a mother hen who finds one of her babies missing and stuck in the mud. Many of the farm animals come to help only to find that the chick wasn't stuck after all, just playing in the mud.

Sometimes, OK most of the time, God speaks to me in small and childlike ways because I am, apparently, simple minded.  Reading this book to Sophie made me think, “What would I do for a complete stranger?”



I have limits.  Jesus absolutely did not.  I wish I didn’t, but I do.  The entire Bible is very clear on the FACT that serving others with love is second only to loving God. We can tell God we love him, but His desire is that we show him by loving His children.  I always tried to teach my children that service to others was important.  We cleaned at the Ronald McDonald House, we raised money for the Children's Hospital, we adopted a family every Christmas, we took our kids on mission trips with the church, blah blah blah... right?  It sounds perfect, like a way of life they would hold on to forever.  That their tender hearts would long to serve others because it made them feel good. (I wish you could hear me laughing at my own lofty goals)

I found out that my oldest would pay my youngest to do his part at the Ronald McDonald House, buying toys for the kids at the hospital always turned into a battle of jealousy, and mission trips were not always a joy either.  One year some of the boys, including mine, were so bad that we didn't even let them serve.  I made them stay at the church and work! This is them setting up tables for the Senior Citizen's weekly luncheon in the city we served vs going to a mobile VBS to play with children.  Even when we try to not have limits on love, stupidity and selfishness sometimes creep in.

Our humanity gets in the way of our service to others. For instance, I pulled over at a light one day to give a man money.  He was standing there holding a sign about being hungry and homeless and I reached in to grab some cash only to realized it didn't have any.  What did I do?  I gave him gum.  SO EMBARRASSING!  Once I took my youngest to volunteer at a no-kill shelter because he loves animals immensely; and you know what they asked him to do?  DIG GRAVES for the animals who died of old age. He came home in tears.  (Another parent/service fail)  I am not saying that God doesn't use those moments where we fail in service because He does!  It just may not look the way we thought it would look.  Just like all of the farm animals in the book coming to help and getting stuck themselves only to discover the chick was just playing in the mud all along! 

 Service to others is love to God.  No matter our intentions, no matter the outcome, it pleases the Savior.   

Matthew 20:28 says "Even as the Son of Man came to not BE served but TO serve"

Proverbs 19:17 says "Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord." 

I John 3:18 says "Let us not love in word but in deed and in truth." 

Don't try and tell me you do not have a gift worthy of sharing with those in need!  I know you do because I Peter 4:10 says clearly, "as each HAS RECEIVED A GIFT, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace."  We all have gifts.  I cannot build a house, I cannot sew, but I can serve food at a shelter, I can volunteer for those in need, I can help raise money, I can teach Sunday School, I can babysit for a tired momma, I can even give a homeless man fresh breath!  

On occasion, those we serve are not in an apparent need or even asking for help.  Just some tiny act of kindness can change their world!  When we volunteered at the Ronald McDonald House I would totally ignore the ladies in the office and go straight for working for the families in need.  One day when I called to check on their needs for the week I decided to bring them all a Sonic drink.  When I took in the drinks one younger lady began to cry.  I took her outside and loved on her with words of encouragement and hugs.  She had not been there long and seeing all of the sick children and grieving families was more than she could handle.  Taking her a Sonic drink helped fill her tank with enough love to get her through the day.  Those kinds of service do not take skill, they take very little and sometimes mean the most.  You may see someone playing in the mud and mistake it for a disaster, or you may see someone doing fine and discover they are in a crisis.  Either way, SERVE. 

Serving keeps our hearts and eyes open to the needs of others and it keeps us close to God. If He came to serve then I want to serve.  I want to live without limits of love.  My humanity will stop me occasionally I know, but practice makes perfect right? You know that old saying "it is better to give than to receive?"  Well, it is old!  It was written 80 years after the birth of Christ, by Luke and it can be found in Acts 20:35. Luke wrote down those words of Christ Jesus because they made an impact on him.